Ants Marching...and NOT in a DMB way...

Dearest Darlingest Readers -

So, I discovered that I don't have as much time to write daily as I originally thought when I began this blog.  That's okay; it gives me time to compile a bunch of useless, though at times amusing, stories about my wacky children and not-so-wacky life.

Today, I'll begin by talking about a recent family trip to REI.  Now, the only interesting thing that happened on this outing was what I saw in the parking lot.  If you've ever been to an REI, you know that it's granola-y.  Crunchy.  Full of outdoors-y types.  I am not judging.  I wish I WAS one of them.  I go there because my husband loves to walk around (and probably fantasize that he is one of those crunchy outdoorsmen), and because I found flip-flops there (mens, I am ashamed to admit...) that actually FIT my wide-post-baby-size-11 feet. 

Anyway, I digress per the usual.  Because I am aware of the usual cliental, I was not overly surprised, but still amused by the following three things I saw in the parking lot.

1. A Jeep wrangler with a bumper sticker that said, "Less sprawl, ya'll!"

2. Another Jeep wrangler with a tie-dye wheel cover

3. A third Jeep wrangler (I am not lying) with a sign taped to its window that said: "Protecting our rivers and streams."

and finally,

4. A VW bug (the new kind) that had tie-dye seat covers, and adornments over the taillights that, when lit, made them look like flowers.  And a peace sign hanging from the rearview mirror.

I was amused as I hopped into my not-so-green mini-van with the cliche family stick figures on the back window.

So, last week, the day finally came.  The day of all days!  The day I had been waiting for FOREVER!  Or, at least since the old TV season ended.  It was the day I received...

Yes, I get VERY excited about this issue!  I do not get as hyped about the movie preview issues.  It is this issue I wait all summer for, though, mainly for this:

What is this, you ask?  I zoomed in for you, don't worry:

The magical Fall TV Preview Calendar.  So I can plan my DVR schedule and see what old shows I may have to sacrifice to watch new ones or visa versa.  

Yes, I am that pathetic.

But I was excited.  It appears as though the 'sit-com' may be making a comeback!  I am excited about this as well.  It's been a while, and we need some good ones.  Less 'reality' TV, more shows that make us wet our pants with laughter!

What shows are YOU excited to see return?

Moving on.

My kids. Here's a gem about Courtney.

Now, as a parent, sometimes as we watch our kids goofing around or what have you, it can be hard not to laugh out loud.  (You'll recall the 'Booby' story from a few blogs ago...)  So, a few weeks back when my friend Sara and her bf Ricardo were in town, and Courtney hightailed it right into the edge of the dining room table face first, bounced off, and fell backwards like she was Nestea-plunging into a pool, it was hard for me not to laugh out loud.  I actually think I did.  I knew she was fine - there was no blood - but I still felt like a heartless biotch for finding this scene so amusing.  The only thing that would have made it better would have been cartoon sound effects.

*For reference, here is the Nestea Plunge I am referring to...except Courtney's was NOT in slow motion...

Anyway, I tell you that because it is similar to what she did the other day.

So, C&C like to chase each other around the dining room table.  Nine times out of ten, there is no injury, and they circle it until they tire, and move on.  Every once in a while, their excitement gets the better of them and they get hurt.  The other day was one of these times.  

Picture it.  My living/dining room.  C&C running around the table, holding pillows behind themselves like so:

She has the pillow behind her in her right hand, and Simba and Nala clutched firmly in her left.  She's running.  Chris is behind her with his own pillow.  She looks back, laughing.  

Looking back while running is never good.

While rounding the table, cutting it a tad too close, Courtney runs SMACK into one of the chairs, bounces off, lands on her back ON THE PILLOW she was holding behind her, and rolls into the wall.

I bite my lip.  

"Are you okay?" I ask carefully after a moment of silence.  She gets up slowly.

"Yeaaaaaah," she says meekly.

"Are you suuuuure?" I ask, waiting for the tears.  She bends down and picks up the pillow and goes, 

"Yeah yeah, I fine!" and keeps running.

I relax.  And THEN laugh, wishing I had a recording of some "whooop whooooooooooop" sound effect to add to what I just witnessed.

Sigh.

Now for a short-but-sweet Connor story.  I walked into the living room from the kitchen yesterday and found him doing this:  

*Note the guilty look on his face*

What is he doing, you ask?  He has Chris' Mickey Mouse doll dangling from his mouth by Mickey's hand.  And he's batting it back and forth like a cat with a toy.  

Too cute.

I will be fair and share something cute that Chris did.  Let's see if this pic explains it:

No, he is NOT sleeping.  He is PRETENDING to sleep!  If this picture had audio, it would sound like him fake-snoring.  

P-recious!

I will end tonight with a song.

"The ants go marching 12,000 by 12,000 

B-lah, b-lah

The ants go marching 12,000 by 12,000 

B-lah, b-lah

The ants go marching into my kitchen,

If you'd seen then you'd get why I be bitchin'

So I spray and they go down, to the ground, TO DIE."

Okay, I'm done.  BUT, Hubs and I did have a magical surprise this afternoon to find our counter swarming with ants.  LOVELY!  I am sure you have had this happen.  They seem to appear as if out of thin air.  They're not there, and then BAM!  They're gathering for a feast, and your house is the venue.  <Hey, who would they get to play this party?  Alien Ant Farm?  Hahahahahaha...no?  *Snort>

So, we cleared the counter and I went all Medieval on their asses, donned my mask and shield (okay, so not REALLY) and began spraying 409 like a mad woman everywhere. <"Say hello to my lemony friend!" I shout, while spraying a bottle ala Scarface>

 Once I had cleaned up the massacre, and wiped up all the now-still crumpled ant corpses that littered my countertops, Debbie showed up and I had to leave, and I assumed that when I returned home, Hubs would have cleaned up the rest of the kitchen.  

Well, needless to say, that DIDN'T happen.  I got home and put everything away and made dinner.  Then, while looking for a condiment in the cabinet, I hear a quiet string of expletives.  There were more ants.

And they were everywhere.

In all the cabinets.  

Grr.

So, after dinner, like a good mom (*snort) I sat my kids in front of a couple of episodes of LIttle Einsteins and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse so we could diligently empty each cabinet and kill all of the invaders who threatened our humble abode.

Here is how the kitchen looks now:

Hubs then discovered the point of entry of the little trespassers and immediately went in for the kill.

Home defense MAX.  M-A-X people.  This is serious business.

The upside, if you choose to see it, and I did, was that we got the throw away a lot of stuff that had expired!  

I will neither confirm nor deny that there were a few items in those cabinets that had expiration dates circa our wedding date back in 2005...

So there you have it, Readers.  Just another week in the life.  

<Cue Fergie's "Glamorous>