Dinosaur Vs. The Potty

Dear Readers -

Today I am just going to let my stream of consciousness flow.

I would first like to share a hilarious story from bath time the other night.  

Let me set the scene: we had gone to Costco for dinner that night (to shop, mostly, but where else can you feed 4 people for like, $5.50?) and the kids had had hotdogs.  Now, usually these hotdogs 'stay with us' for hours, if you know what I mean - the burps themselves are a constant and disgusting reminder that they ate them.  

But I digress.  We return home and are playing in the living room, when I smell said burp and go, "Eww!  Hotdog burp!" Chris grins.  I say, "Say excuse me" to which he mumbles something that sounds like "sue me" and we continue on with our activities.  

An hour or so later, I'm bathing C&C, and again, a familiar and nauseating smell wafts past my nose.  Before I can even call anyone out, Courtney goes, "Hotdog!"  Shocked, I say, "Did you just burp hotdog?" and, with a devilish grin that ONLY she can give, she replies, "Yeahhhhhh, I did."

I cracked up.  Gross, but hilarious.  Love my kids!

So, has anyone else with several kids (I can say 'several,' right?  I mean, once you pass '2' it's considered 'several'…) find themselves during the day periodically doing a 'head count'?  I flash forward to when I can just yell "COUNT OFF!" and hear them shouting out their respective birth order so that Mommy knows everyone is conscious and not on fire.

Speaking of several kids, I will replay a conversation Jason and I had the other day about having more kids.  (I would, he's still on the fence)

"Just one more?" I say, my best "puh-leeeeeeease" face on.  

Jason, with increasing intensity replies:

"You say that now, but I'm afraid that you'll have 4, and want more, then have 5 and want more, then 6, then 7, then 8, and then we'll be the Duggars and I'll be flat broke!"

I cracked up again.  See, no one thinks Jason is funny, but I think he's friggin' hilarious!  Haha, my autocorrect just changed 'friggin to 'frigid.'

Moving on.

So, the idea of Borders closing hurts my heart, mainly because I could spend hours in a bookstore, wandering around.  Now, what bugs me about their going-out-of-business "sale" is that the percentage off is still not necessarily making the books any cheaper than they would be on Amazon anyway.  Nonetheless, I have gone over to Borders several times just to walk around, and still find myself purchasing things.  

One of my favorite purchases came yesterday when I bought a kids book based solely on the title and cover, and not based on its story.  Now, it's not hard to figure out the plot line from the title, but still, usually you flip through the book and THEN purchase it.  i didn't bother - I loved it immediately.

This book is sure to become a Hoffman Family classic.  Can't wait!

Yesterday afternoon, after naptime, I went up to get C&C, who were making "Mommy, I'm awake, come get me!" noises.  I did my usual, "Fee, fi, foe, fum!" approach to their door, and knocked, waiting for their reply.  Everyone was giggles and smiles until I took them out of their crib, at which point, when I asked, "OKay, are we ready to go downstairs and see Connor?" Chris replies, "No." 

It was then that I sighed, having been here before, knowing it was about to be a very challenging next few minutes.  

"Chris, you don't want to go downstairs and see Connor?"

"No."

"Do you want to stay here in your crib?"

"No."

"Do you want to get num-nums?" (usually food is a fool-proof bribe)

"No."

So I play the reverse psychology card.

"Okay, Courtney, let's go.  Chris wants to stay here."  I lead a bubbly Courtney down the hall to the stairs.  Then Chris begins to cry from his room.

"Chris!" I call.  "C'mon baby!  Let's go downstairs!"

I hear a meek, tiny "No" followed by more tears.

I sigh again.

By now, Courtney has handed me the members of her entourage she cannot carry while holding the railing (I, as instructed, always carry Oso, Seahorse, and Baby Doll down, she always carries Minnie Mouse) and we descend.  I get Courtney down and settled, and say, "I need to go get brother."  She nods.

So I go up and into his room, he's standing next to his crib, thumb in mouth.

"Chris, are you ready to come downstairs?"

"No."

"Do you want to stay up here in your crib?"

<pause>

"Okay."

So, I oblige, and put him back in his crib.  I know this will blow up in my face.

Sure as sugar, as soon as I said, "bye bye" and closed his door, the screaming began.  It was hard to tell, because of the pitch and volume of the screaming, if he was mumbling "num num" or "night night"…either way, I let him fit for a couple of minutes, then I opened the door.

"Are you ready to come downstairs and act like a big boy?"

"NO!"

So I closed the door.  Screaming commenced.  This back and forth happened about 3 more times, then I finally just turned the monitor on in the hall and went downstairs where my darling, quiet children were playing.  Through the monitor, though, we could hear the screaming.  Courtney, who is oh-so in tune to other's emotions looked concerned.

"Bruva crying," she pointed out.  I nodded.

"Yes, Brother is upset."

<more crying>  Courtney loses interest in The Monitor Show and goes back to her animal crackers.  After a few moments, I hear her say,

"Relax, Bruva, give rest."  

Apparently, I often tell them to relax and give it a rest, though I've been more careful about using the 'give it a rest' since I learned she had picked it up as well.  I smiled to myself, then went up to deal with the Christopher Monster that was lurking in my upstairs.

After he realized that I was, in fact, going to leave him there if he said he wasn't ready to come down, he calmed and decided he could behave and was great the rest of the afternoon.  Time and time again my kids prove to me that one of the secrets of parenting (not really a secret…more like a 'no duh!' but many don't bother with it…) is that you just need to make sure you follow thru with your threats.  We have been doing this from the beginning and it seems like they're both beginning to make the connection that if we say X is going to happen if Y does not occur, it actually WILL happen.  

This is not reinventing the wheel - my point is, it's so interesting watching those connections developing in my kids.

So even though I heard her say it earlier in reference to her brother, it still surprised me later when I was annoyed over something small non-kid related, Courtney looked at me and said, "Mommy, relax."

Now, even though being told to relax is one of my pet peeves, I had to laugh, because she connected my expressions and body language enough to know that I was agitated, and appropriately reminded me to cool off and let it go.  Love my darling girl.

Now, while Chris had that little hissy after nap (and had had a similar one the previous night when we came in from outside playtime before bath), last night, Courtney was the one who, when asked to help clean up her toys so we could watch Kipper, said an emphatic "No."

Once again, Jason and I played the reverse psychology card that so often blows up in our faces.  

"Do you want to watch Kipper?" we asked, assuming the answer would be "yes" so we could say, "Then you need to clean up your books."  Of course, being the evil genius she is, Courtney replied "No."

So, Jason scooped her up.  "I guess Courtney's going to bed early then!" <her crying begins>  I say, "Night night, Courtney" and he whisks her upstairs.  

Chris, observes the whole thing.  He had been the center of such a conflict twice in two days now, and he looked determined not to be this time.  He looks at me.  

"Sissy crying.  Koffer clean up watch Kipper," he says cutely.  I loved that he made the connection. It was like he said to  me, "Mom, I understand that Courtney isn't behaving properly, but I'm going to help you clean up like you asked, and then I'll be able to watch Kipper."

So I told him I was proud of his choice to clean up and he was being such a good boy.  

Eventually, Courtney calmed down and helped and all was well at the Hoff Haus once again.

And such ends my ramblings about the day-to-day dramedy of my family!