$h*! My Daughter Says

Dear Readers:


Being surrounded by two little parrots every day can be QUITE amusing.  Most of the time, what they mimic is what you've just said, and it can be hilarious because they don't necessarily repeat it immediately - they say it later, when you've forgotten that you've said it.  Courtney is the biggest offender of this.

Take, for example, the other day.  Chris was in a snit.  I mean, a throw-down, all-out, everything-is-bugging-me-so-I'll-just-cry-non-stop kind of mood.  Ya know, the fun kind of mood.  (Read: The kind of mood that makes Mommy want to bang her own head against the wall until the crying stops...)  I started out calm, and compassionate...

"Chris, honey, what's wrong?"

<Nothing but dramatic sobbing>  Still calm.

"Sweetie, you need to talk to Mommy.  Does something hurt?"

<More but dramatic sobbing>  I brush his hair back and give him a hug.

"Are you hungry?"

<Dramatic sobbing>

"Are you sleepy?"

*at this question, he managed to eek out a dramatic, "Nooooo!" before he continued sobbing.

"Then what's wrong, baby?"

<Nothing but dramatic sobbing, now louder and more intense.>

My patience begins to wane…I give him one last squeeze and opportunity to tell me what's wrong, and then I get up and walk away.  The crying swells, and I notice out of the corner of my eye that he's checking over his shoulder every few seconds to see if I'm paying attention.

Ahh, you little sucker.  I see your game.  Okay, I'm suited up.  I'll play.  I ignore, for now that I know that he's milking it for all it's worth, I refuse to give in.  But the crying continues and becomes, in my ears, akin to that lovely fingernails-on-chalkboard reaction so many people get.  Or fork-on-plate.  Either one.  

When I think I finally cannot take anymore,  as calmly as I can muster with a sky-high blood pressure, I say, "Christopher, give it a rest."  A few weak whimpers escape his mouth.  I look at him again.  "Give it a rest, sweetie.  You're fine.  Let's find Mickey and Minnie."  (His figurines he cannot live without)

Now this is all build up to tell you something funny Courtney said later that day, when I had forgotten about the above interlude.  

As a fam, we went to the mall for dinner.  We wanted to get Chris a haircut, if his mood had improved post-dinner, which it did.  The line was too long, and I didn't want to wait and tempt fate that the demons would return to Chris' mood, so we left.  All was fine until that point - then in the car, Chris lost it.  I really don't know why.  But we're driving home and he's sobbing, and we're attempting the whole, "Chris, you need to use your words, Sweetie, and tell Mommy and Daddy what's wrong.  We can't help you unless you talk to us" thing, when Courtney busts out with:

"Give rest, Bruva, give rest."

Translation: "Give it a rest, Brother, give it a rest."

I nearly fell out of the car.  Jason and I looked at each other. 

"Did she just tell him to 'give it a rest'???" I asked in disbelief.  Jason nodded, and we crack up.  It apparently worked because Chris calmed down. 

Maybe I should turn discipline over to Courtney.  She seems to have the magic touch.

The other funny incident I will share occurred last night, while I was changing Courtney's dirty diaper.

Now, she CAN be a challenge to change sometimes - flopping around, trying to flip over, screaming "No! No! No!" <which, by the by, is lovely to have her do when you're in public - it draws looks.  Thank goodness I'm often not even near her when she starts dramatically shouting, "NO!" so, so far, no one from DCF has shown up at the house to 'check me out'.>

But I digress.

So, I'm changing this squiggly, squirmy being, and as I'm wiping her tush, she shouts, 

"BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY!"

Bewildered, I look at Jason.  "Booty?!" I repeat.  "She just shouted BOOTY!" 

It was funny.  But it got funnier about 10 minutes later, when I was laying on the couch, and she climbed on my back.  Jason, egging her on OF COURSE, says, "Courtney, where's Mommy's booty?" 

She proceeded to say, "Mommy booty!" and spank me about 5 times.

I just glared at my husband.